How does looking back at cancer treatment help us honor survival?
“What can reflecting on early treatment videos teach cancer survivors?”
On World Cancer Day, Shay Moraga reviews old journals and rewatches a 25-minute video of her hair being shaved during breast cancer treatment. Confronting her raw fear from five years prior reinforces her gratitude for life, the privilege of growing older, and her commitment to advocacy.
Takeaways:
Reviewing personal journals or treatment videos can reveal how far a survivor has come in processing vulnerability and fear.
Cancer diagnosis strips away the illusion of total control, teaching survivors to appreciate every day.
Aging is a privilege that many cancer patients do not receive; remembering those lost fuels advocacy work.
Honoring both the pre-cancer identity and the person forged after treatment helps process lingering grief.
As the years pass by and as an advocate I do not take much time to really remember what I went though physically and mentally during my year long battle with triple negative breast cancer. However, this year, I took some time to reflect at old journals, and photos. I took some time to watch a video of my head being shaved. It was 2 hours edited down to 25 minutes of time. I watched the video over ten times. I watched my facial expressions, I watched my breath and I looked at my eyes. The fear of the unknown was written all over my face. I was in a complete state of shock and I remember I felt like I was in a tunnel. My girlfriends were talking to me but I could barely hear their voices. Watching this video my eyes never opened during the time my sweet friend Christina would shave the hair from my already shedding head. My hands were clenching to the chair and my knuckles were as white as a ghost. I realized I was watching myself hold on to dear life. But the control was out of my hands. I was not in control and after 5 years of survival I realise each day none of us are in control. That is why it is so important to LIVE while we can. There is not a day that goes by that I am not grateful to have another day in this world with those I love. Growing old is such a privilege that many don’t have a chance at including some of my own family and friends. So I advocate, I volunteer, I fight, I give for them. In remembrance of them, in honor of them, and for them always.
Honoring the past and present through poetry
After watching the video the simplicity of these words flooded my heart.
“Morning the loss of who I was before cancer.
Honoring who I have become after cancer.
Honoring life and honoring death.
Honoring the infinite.
Knowing my story is like millions of others.
Praying for our cure to be found for all.”
Shay Moraga
Explore how community retreats support survivors through life after cancer by reading about the I AM HOPE Survivors Reset Retreat.
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