What five years of breast cancer survivorship taught me about life
In this anniversary essay, Shay reflects on five years of survivorship, detailing the lessons she learned about setting boundaries, self-advocacy, and building a trusted medical team.
Takeaways:
Life can change in an instant; learning to cherish both good and bad experiences builds long-term resilience.
True healing requires setting firm boundaries and removing toxic stress, even from close relationships.
Advocating for yourself and trusting your medical team are essential components of physical and mental recovery.
Post-treatment healing is a long-term marathon that requires ongoing emotional and peer support
If I knew then what I know now…
It was 5 years ago today, on a Thursday, February 11, 2016, that I sat in a doctor’s office for 3 ½ hours, by myself, to be told I had breast cancer. I remember every word, every second of waiting in that room. Every time the doctor left to take a call or dismissed my question.
I remember the pit in my stomach. I remember thinking about what this would do to my then 12-year-old daughter. I also remember thinking and asking: AM I GOING TO DIE?
It was the day that I became a STRONG WARRIOR! I left the doctor's office and took the power of my life in my own hands to become the strongest version of myself.
I found the courage to allow vulnerability to whatever was to come. I learned to accept and receive healing love from others. It was also a time when I felt the presence of my grandfather, dad, and the presence of God wrapped around me in protection. The power of prayer was an incredible energy that came from friends of my past and those whom I had never met.
It was also a time I needed to become selfish to take care of me. To be okay with not being okay, and to say no to things and people that created stress and anxiety in my life. It was that pivot in my life that changed me forever.
What key lessons do you learn after a cancer diagnosis?
So, if 5 years ago I knew then what I knew now, I would tell myself that I am not invincible. No matter what, nothing is forever. Your life can change in an instant.
Cherish every experience: Learn to cherish the good along with the bad because you learn a little something from every experience. Be thankful.
Protect your inner circle: It is okay to say no and goodbye to things and people that do not have your best interest at heart, even if some of those people are your family. Protect your circle of trust.
Trust your instincts: Trust your gut because it is your mind, body, and soul telling you to do what is right, and it normally is.
Avoid internet panic: Do not "Doctor Google"—he does not serve you well.
How do you build an effective medical team and protect your mental space?
Learn to be an advocate for yourself. Speak up and do not feel bad for asking questions to pursue answers, especially with your medical team.
For true healing to take place, you must truly trust your medical team with your life. They should give you the time and understanding you need. If you feel differently, it is completely okay to build a team you are comfortable with. Once this is in place, you will feel safe, calm, and able to have better confidence that you will heal.
Do not be afraid to ask for help. Pray and pray some more. Remember that cancer is a marathon, not a sprint.
When you are diagnosed, people will overwhelm you with support, but do not expect them to stay for the long haul. Sometimes after you are healed, they disappear. Do not feel guilty for not being able to handle your responsibilities as you once used to, because your body needs all its energy for healing.
You do not have to be strong all the time—lean on others. Do not feel guilty that your cancer was not as bad as someone else’s. We all walk up the mountain alone, and we will all come down the other side.
It is okay to stop someone from telling you their cancer death story, or about the mushroom in the Amazon jungle that will heal your cancer. Protect your mind. Know your boundaries.
What happens when treatment ends?
Only those who have been given a cancer diagnosis understand what it is like in life after cancer. Have empathy and compassion for those who are naive and do not, because you pray they never will. You are stronger than you ever knew you would be.
Once you are on the cancer roller coaster, it never stops… but when a new warrior comes on for the ride, let them know you are on this journey with them forever through the ups and downs.
When you get to the end of your treatment and a new "no evidence of disease" comes out of your doctor's mouth, it is just the beginning and the main work will begin. Find a new support outlet. Find those who understand. Find those who will still laugh with you, cry with you, and hold your hand in your time of anxiety and fear. Those who will hold space and just be.
If you are navigating the complex emotions of finishing therapy, read Shay's story on stepping into the post-chemo unknown.
What are you most grateful for in survivorship?
I am ever so grateful for the lessons I have learned and continue to learn through this journey of cancer. No, it never leaves my mind, and I am grateful for that because it keeps me in check. It reminds me how strong and courageous I am and how I can help others alongside me feel the same way.
I am grateful for my family and my friends for listening to me and being there when I need it most. I am grateful for my medical team who pulled me through all of this and continue to do so. I am grateful for those who have come and gone, for they were there for a purpose.
I am grateful to my Lord and Savior, for I continue to learn what I am being taught. I am grateful for my body; it is strong and incredible no matter my size, my weight, my color, or my race. My heart and my lungs continue to breathe and produce the blood that flows through my veins… pretty incredible if I really think about it!
I am thankful for my herd of animals—they never left my side. I am thankful for my daughter, who is 17 now. Five years ago I did not think I would see her graduate, and yet here we are. She was my purpose to fight with every cell I had in me to live. I hope she never knows this fear, and I pray she only knows the power that prayer can heal and how it can change lives to produce miracles.
When a storm comes in her lifetime and it is so dark, I hope she remembers the sun will rise again. To look for the rainbow: your sign to hope in color.
“In the center of a hurricane there is a peaceful circle, total peace – a center of peace. We are all the centers. True peace is YOU!”
Today is not my chemo day—but it is someone’s.
Thank you for being on this journey with me. I am grateful because life is a gift.
xo Shay
You don't have to navigate this alone.
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