breast cancer's grief, loss and acceptance...meet holly

A breast cancer diagnosis comes with so many decisions and choices. For most newly diagnosed women, the whole focus is on your breasts. Losing them and then recreating them. I believed at the time of my diagnosis that I needed breasts to keep being a woman. Reconstruction with breast implants was supposed to be my silver lining to breast cancer. They were supposed to restore my body image, replace my loss, and help me move on after cancer, but my decision to reconstruct was not the right decision for me and I had no idea until it was already completed and I was already suffering from BII (breast implant illness). The reality is…I lost my breasts twice and had to grieve that loss twice! The first time around was after my double mastectomy in 2015 from cancer. The second time was after my explant (breast implant removal) in 2019.

     I have realized that the only way around all the grief and loss that occurs from having had cancer is to start to ACCEPT it and to work through it. What acceptance has meant to me is making small tweaks in the way that I think, so I can continue to move forward and live my life without drowning in the negativity and fear. I had joined several FLAT groups on Facebook ahead of my explant and was able to see thousands of women affectionately nicknamed, Flatties, “living their lives in color” as Shay’s Warriors says. They were laughing, crying, sharing photos of their bodies and scars, they were being real and truthful about how they were feeling in their journeys. What a gift! It helped me reframe how I felt about my newly flat chest and allowed me to feel empowered by it. Aesthetic Flat Closure is the new medical term for the procedure of making a women’s chest flat after mastectomy and approximately 44% of US women choose no reconstruction after breast cancer. I wish one or more of my doctors would have educated me about Aesthetic Flat Closure after mastectomy. It was the option I was never given. You can find out more about breast implant illness and living flat in my newest book; Bye-Bye Boobs: My Real Ones Tried to Kill Me & My Fake Ones Made Me Sick. I have included a Resource section at the back of the book to help you navigate all of the information surrounding these topics. Reach out on my website HollyKThrasher.com or on my Instagram page with the same name, I would love to hear from you!  

guest blogger – Holly K. Thrasher, Breast Cancer, Breast Implant Illness Survivor & Thriver